My Story Part 4: How Did My Mother Cope. No Mobile Phones & No Apps?

How did my mother cope? Bless her loving soul. She had 4 children just over six years apart, and she didn’t have a mobile phone; in fact, for the first seven years or more, she didn’t have a landline!

Nowadays we see so many different things, and for those who say it’s a generation thing, I’m not so bothered; in fact, I feel for you, and for I preferred back in the old days.

We were out cycling a couple of weeks ago, and as we cycled along the straight street in town, I couldn’t help but notice that, as we see so often these days, the young mum pushing a pram was talking into a mobile phone, you know, not to her ear but out in front of her for the world to hear, or see as probably a video call, but totally ignoring the child.

The front wheel of the pushchair got caught on the grass verge, and she struggled to free the wheel, a sort of backwards and forwards motion, but going back into the grass verge. Why couldn’t she free the wheel? Well, it was because she was so engrossed with the mobile phone, she couldn’t see what was wrong. She obviously did in time, but sorry, it was quite pathetic; she was so much more interested in her phone than the issue with her pushchair and child, and what did I do? After shaking my head in disbelief, I just laughed.

And so there is the difference: how often these days do we see a young mother pushing a pram, obviously with a young child on board, talking to a phone instead of their baby? Is 8/10 mothers an accurate figure? Because I think it is – and my opinion! And my opinion is I think it is bordering on pathetic.

I will start with our holiday in France, while in Le Menitre. I was a little surprised. A young British mother with a young infant in her arms was walking around the site chatting to the child. I’ll say chatting too, as the child was too young to talk back. But the mother was pointing to the trees and the river and engaging with the child, and it was refreshing to see in this day and age. But it’s also what my parents did, but that was because they had no real choice. Sure, they could have ignored us and sent us out to play, which they occasionally did, but they spoke to us, they engaged, and they told us stories, and I love them for that.

Le Menitre - beautiful river sunset

I didn’t just see this young mother the one day doing this; I saw her the next day before we left, and in all honesty, it was refreshing, and how I wish I would see young parents doing this more often.

A few years ago, four of us went for a meal in Shrewsbury, and a table of about ten people came in, including a young child of about three years old. They pulled up the high chair and put it at the head of the table, which I initially thought was good, head of the table, maybe centre of attention, but no. No sooner had they sat the child down they had picked up the salt and pepper mills, put them on the child’s high chair tray and propped up a tablet for the kid to watch, whilst the adults had a good time without having to worry about the kid, is there any hope, and something I will definitely come onto in time! Kids in pubs are hated as much as e-scooters and ignorance!

I am sure you know I struggle with today’s society; the younger generation just frustrates me. There is good and bad everywhere, as there was in my younger days, just not as much. I recently heard a story in our local town, where a young teenage thug stole a bike from an autistic young lad and smashed it up. His Mum got it repaired and went round to the young thug's house to ask his parents to pay the bill.

His mother answered the door and told the mother of the victim to get lost, except I won’t repeat her exact words. The father then came to the door and told her where to go in no uncertain terms, and if she didn’t, he would beat her up and burn her house down, but again I won’t repeat the exact words! That is today’s society in parts. In my day the young thug would have been taken round the corner and had seven bells of poo beaten out of him, and he wouldn’t have done it again! But nowadays, let’s wrap the young thugs in cotton wool, and don’t tell them off.

But back to modern mums, how about the young mum in front of me in the queue at the chemist, asking if her milk supplement was a part of her prescription parcel, as she had to use an app to order it and didn’t know how much she had left – now if you’ve ever seen a grown man cry. You wouldn’t have that day either, but damn, it was close. One young mother, one young child in a pram, and the need for an app to help out with feeding the child.

Poor Mum, if I had told her that story, she would have been shaking her head and telling me of how things were back in her day. When I was born in 1963, one of the worst winters in UK history, she had to leave the farm cottage where she lived with my dad and move into the local town to live with her mum and dad and my two sisters, and she was eight months or so pregnant at the time.

My Mum, blss her. Four kids and full-time work. Nightshift so she could play a full time Mum.

This was so that she didn’t get stuck out on the farm in the bad snow, with a baby on the way. It meant she could get to the town hospital without any problem when the time came, which she did on 10th February 1963, all without a mobile phone in sight or that landline. Messages were in the way of a call to the farmhouse and someone kindly walking the half mile to the cottage to pass the news on to Dad, if he was there. If he was out working at the time, they either left a message through the letter box, or walked back later. But in those days, farmers pretty much knew what their shepherds did and when, so they usually knew when they would be in to avoid that wasted trip.

But nowadays we can’t push our pram along the road as our phone is in our face, have most modern day mothers really lost the ability to talk to their children and communicate with them at an early age?

Well, let me finish with a story about a psychologist I visited and who tried to help me out in troubled times when I was wanting to work my worried head out! He told me a story of a woman who had problems with her first child, postnatal depression, failing to bond with her baby, and generally having a big struggle soon after the birth, as you can imagine. I know it’s not easy; I’ve witnessed it!

By talking to her whilst pregnant with her second child, he was able to help her bond with the child before it was born. Movements and talking, exercises and being calm. He told me, ‘I promise you they will bond from day one.’ Something, unfortunately, I never found out, but what I do know is there wasn’t a mobile phone involved!

To finish, I have just been on the app store to have a look and I can’t believe what I see, apps for, a shopping apps for mums, mine used the co-op and we did just fine! Healthy recipes. Mum made her own sometimes using cookbooks, and here I am at 63 still telling the tale. A pregnancy tracking app, Mum went to the doctors and trusted her body!

A go to app for mums, dads and co-parents, including parents from the LGBTQ+ community. In Mums days if you mentioned this, they would have laughed or maybe cried; probably cried. Other apps where mums turn for help and support as they can’t cope; in my day, they were expected to cope, or family and friends were there for them. It wasn’t just my Mum, when I was 1-7 years old, our neighbours were also a family of four children, and they were of similar years apart to ours. No apps there either!

My question is, if you can’t cope, why have you had kids in the first place? Think about it. If you get stressed going shopping or driving a car or going to work each day, having kids will be worse, and how do I know? Because I am a parent. And seeing today's stories just frustrates me. A lot of young parents expect help from everywhere, and the less they have to do, the better – I know. Let’s go to the app store or everywhere else we can for help! Friends of ours have older children, and they were ‘expected’ to babysit when the children were born. It was discussed beforehand; it was just expected - really?

Mum only had four, six years apart, and she coped just fine: no mobile phones, no apps, just motherly sense, love, and care and maybe Granny's recipes and help! How different that is for MOST parents today. If that’s not you, well done, and if it is, don’t be offended. Like I say, we all have opinions, and this one is mine.

Wait until I start talking about the world’s population growth!!

Thanks for reading

DJ