My Mental Health Story Part 7 - That Course!!
And so, to ‘that course.’ I think like most courses we attend, either personally, such as this one; professionally, through work; or maybe just a hobby, there will always be a touch of nerves, anticipation, excitement, or maybe even fear. I think I had all those emotions as we set off to our residency in Worcestershire. After all this wasn’t to learn more about cycling, or the import of goods from China; nope, this was to help me with my future life, and to try to get out of the world I had fallen into (no pun intended.)
It was a lovely setting that I do remember, and I say ‘we’ as I was accompanied by my wife, as part of the course was to help partners better understand how to deal with someone you know who has this horrible condition, because when there are mental health issues that change your life, things change for those around you.
My wife had booked a two-day course, with an overnight stop on site, and I cannot remember everything that happened, though I do remember all the participants meeting for a welcoming coffee, and it later came out that we had all met thinking similar thoughts, such as 'they don’t look like they are anxious (or have anxiety,’ and of course it isn’t that visible at all, something I will come onto in later posts.
And on the first day I remember talking a lot, and for me talking is good; it did me good at the Shropshire Enablement Team, and something I learned in time was that coming on this course was possibly a mistake. So why did I do it? Because someone had suggested it for me, it had helped their son, and they had agreed to pick up the bill; it all made sense - surely?
It’s good to talk - sometimes my wife tells me I do it too often!
"Sarah's code review talk was good" by akrabat is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
So, we all talked, we learned about each other, and we heard what had made our minds up to come on this course. And one thing stuck out that I remember: I was the only one who was there due to PTSD or an injury. Others were family or work-related, with one being both. A younger man who struggled to take over the family business from his father, who set very high standards, and the relationship had suffered due to him not being able to hit those same standards, and he was suffering because of it. How do I remember that from twelve years ago but forget someone’s name ten minutes (or less) after they have told me?
It’s similar to dementia; we have a lovely 94-year-old friend, whom we still see in the local pub. Ask him what he has done that day, and he has no idea, and he never remembers, yet ask him the name of the dog he had in 1960 in Kenya, and he tells you straight away. Is this my future? Well, we shall see, as there’s not a lot we can do about that!
I remember talking a lot about distracting your mind and creating diversions; as long as your mind is busy, you won’t be concentrating or even thinking about your condition. Keep active, and another reason why physical exercise is good for you, but that is one thing I don't recall discussing, as I believe at the time, it wasn’t considered such a big help battling mental health (but don’t quote me on that one, please!)
There were all sorts of exercises to do, some of which I remember and some of which are forgotten. One I remember was that we were advised to keep a diary, and we discussed all this – but why? I had never kept a diary and had no intention of ever keeping one; they do not interest me. Yes, a work-type diary for meetings or other aspects, but this was a personal one. It was seemingly to help give you a structured life. Of course, none of this is mandatory; no one’s going to send the diary police round to check; it’s only ever recommendations. So, I explained that before my accident my life was very structured, and I didn’t need a diary, and that was fine by them. But something to remember, please?
I suppose one of the good things about this course is that the tutors are all ex-sufferers; to the extent one of the tutors’ experiences with anxiety were caused in exactly the same way as mine, falling off a bike and being knocked unconscious. Nice to know I wasn’t the only one!
The other thing about this course was that the doors were always open, and we could walk away at any time; no one chained us to a chair. And I later found out that my day-to-day boss would have walked away the first morning had his wife not been there. And at lunch on the first day, the young man with the family business also wanted to go, but after chatting to us he decided to stay.
My life circle - all nice and smooth, and all organised and structured
Another lesson included a ‘life circle.’ For this, imagine a dart board, but instead of 20 sections, there are about 10/11. Then the sections are scored 1-10. The bullseye is 1, and there are another 9 lines going round the board. I hope that makes sense? Actually, here is one I got ChatGPT to make for me, and I used Paint to try to recreate what we were doing!
Each section is an important part of your life. Relationships, finances, employment, health, and others. I can’t remember them all, but religion was also one of them.
Now remember, my life had been quite structured before my accident; it also meant that my life circle was organized and nice and smooth, and I distinctly remember it looking like this. Because a structured life is usually a content one. So, scoring 8 in religion meant you were happy with how you were feeling with religion, not how religious you were. We had a good life, and all aspects were good; the one low score was 'career.' How I wish I could have changed from being an industrial manager, often going to the highest payer, to working in a position where I could have done more to help people, maybe in the adult learning world or now, helping people with mental health conditions, maybe doing exactly what the tutors were doing!
The second example is one similar to the one the person sitting next to me came up with. To the extent I thought I was doing something wrong, but then it was explained to us, and I realised I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was just telling the truth, but it made me realise that my neighbour at the table must have a very up and down, maybe confusing or frustrating, maybe exasperated life. But one thing I remember thinking was, ‘no wonder they have mental health problems.’ Probably an unfair judgement, but again, this was all new to me.
By comparison, what does it tell you?
So, two classes, and two I didn’t really agree with, or should I say relate to? I’m not sure, but I started to feel uneasy, and although I can’t remember all the content of the course, I know that is how I started to feel, and I remember challenging what they were doing and saying, and that wasn’t right – was it?
All I do remember is the last class on the second and last day was some simple physical exercises that could help us when we were feeling low or anxious. As the tutor was showing us a specific breathing exercise, I remember him saying to us, ‘remember, change your life, because it was your life that brought you here.’ And it took all I had to stop myself screaming out to him, ‘it wasn’t my life that brought me here; my life was good. I fell off a bike on a hillside in Wales.’
If there had been one more class, I wouldn’t have stayed; I just couldn’t wait to get away, get home to my garden, and sit and chill out on my own, without a big bad world to bother me.
And that was my course. I will end this post with those facts and also by mentioning that not all courses are the same. And should you be interested in attending one, then please do your research and get help to research, as you could easily think one might be right for you and it won’t be, and it will take someone else to point things out to you.
I thought I was doing the right thing, and I wasn’t. Thanks again to JK for his generosity, and I’m sorry it was all a bit in vain, which again I will talk about
Thanks for reading
DJ
